Wanting to be there

I think life just doesn’t let us be in more than one place at a time, well maybe its physics thats at fault there but you get my meaning.

Each of us has responsibilities and relationships that sometimes pull us in different directions, sometimes we can respond to the pull, sometimes we can’t and sometimes we’re en-route to being there with someone when the unthinkable happens. This happened to me with my dad’s passing, I was on the road when I got the call.

There’s not much a person can do at that point. You know you’re trying, but it just didn’t work out. You feel the frustration and guilt of being close but not close enough. I have a partial memory of a line from a movie or a song maybe, it’s an exchange between two people, one who has been away for a long time, the other who has carried on life. The one who was away says they wished they had been there for all the life events they missed, and the one who has carried on takes their hand and tells them “you were there”.

I want to believe that I was there in Dad’s mind, maybe it’s just to relieve some guilt, or to believe I meant enough that he’d think of me just before he passed.

We carry the loves of our life with us, the friends, the family, and the one that holds our heart, we carry them inside us everyday whether they can tell or not. They are there.

I think about my Dad and my Mom each day, about my daughters out east each day, about my family in Chicago, El Campo and Iola, every day. I think of how they’re doing, I hope they’ll keep me in their lives as they go about doing the things life asks of them. I think about the challenges they face and wish I was there, not that I have any magic answers, but just there to share a bit of life with them.

And when we can’t be there in person or in voice or skype or whatever, I hope they know that I carry them with me, as I’m sure you do.

Be present when you can, be there and know its them who hold you there when you can’t be physically present. Hold on to their memory, talk to them (when no one can hear you) and be still, some answer from them will appear in time. They are always with us, telling us, “I’m proud of you”, “I love having you in my life”, “I’ll remember you always”.

Be good to each other today and all days.

We’re in this together.

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