…without saying goodbye

One of the pleasures in my life is having the one who holds my heart to say hello to as I wake, and goodbye, I love you, to as I head off to work. Its one of those simple gifts that i lived without for a quarter of a century and now, each day, I am thankful to have someone in life to say hello and goodbye to.

The one who holds my heart and I wake each morning together, and its one of the best gifts i have in life.

This morning, a friend of ours doesn’t have the gift I have. The one who held her heart, for reasons unknown, perhaps health, perhaps finance, perhaps just one more thing went wrong, and it looks like he made a choice to leave us all. He was a hardworking man who was liked by many, loved by many, but when that one last thing went wrong, he decided he was alone, that he couldn’t cope with any more bad things happening, and in a trigger moment, left us all and didn’t say goodbye.

Had he called any of us and said he was at the edge, looking into the darkness, we would’ve collected a group of friends and gone to his side. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he knew that those who loved him would keep him here among us, and maybe he thought that one last thing going wrong was insurmountable. It might have been, but there are 30 or more people that would have worked to find a way around it, if we couldn’t figure out a way through it.

If this was a plan, he hid it from those close to him, hid it behind a smile that was his trademark. A smile that maybe we should’ve looked through? I’ve been told that people who are serious about taking their life work hard to hide their plan. And seeing through the camouflage to see the pain, and help with the problems, is pretty hard, for me, its something i failed at, with Rich, and Freddie, and Dusty, and now with the fellow who seemed to be the happiest around.

Life is hard, we all face that, pain, poverty, loss, all of it makes life heavier than a person can bear, but don’t just leave. We need you here. We can’t fix it all, but will commiserate with you, share what we have with you because you’d do the same for us. Give someone the chance, give someone a call, only good will come of it.

We’ll drive south this afternoon for his visitation, I’m sure there’ll be a crowd there, and even if he couldn’t, we’ll all say our goodbyes today.

Be good to each other, look after each other.

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